The loneliness of the long distance thesis writer
The topic of this blog is the relationship and/or similarities between two things: writing a PhD thesis, and being/feeling lonely. I recognise that it’s not the most enjoyable of subjects, and won’t have people’s heads rolling around on the floor as a result of mirth and merryment, but not all of life is like that. That’s right kids, some of life is serious.… The inspiration for this was threefold; I proposed the connection to Ak the other day, as he was talking about his experiences, and he agreed. Moon’s blog has also commented on the thesis writing process recently. Lastly, just the general awareness that some of us go through moments or even periods of loneliness and other related emotions.
If anyone wants more of an insight into my thesis-writing turmoil, then check out my early blogs, which were generally written between the hours of 12am – 5am, and usually under the influence of alcohol and copious amounts of anxiety, lashings of depression, and the occasional dash of self-loathing.
One pervasive feeling I had when writing was that of sheer soul-destroying loneliness. I could just about cope with the feeling that occurred every 20 mins or so, which was to get away from the work and distract myself by doing something else. It was very difficult, but time and time again I made myself sit back down and keep going. I honestly think that it happened every 20 mins or so during the 4 months of writing. There was nobody else around through 99% of me writing. It was me, sat up there alone, writing alone and going through it mainly on my own (though I’m sure the strain hit other people as a function of this). As such, it was a lonely experience, but probably one that I learnt a lot about myself from. At points like this, I found it helpful to think of the people who supported my efforts, cared for me, etc. A bit sappy perhaps, but there you go.
Here’s a semi-tenuous link. I think that same feeling of loneliness is one that can emerge when living on your own and/or a relationship has broken down. Instead of procrastinating for distraction from work however, you might find yourself using anything available to pretend to forget about the situation in front of you, and the inherent loneliness that comes along as part of it. The potentially-futile coping mechanisms might be drink, drugs, shit TV, online social networking sites, cakes/pies, or even metaphorically flogging yourself in the gym. Sooner or later however, you have to do the same thing as what someone writing up does – take your head out of the sand in order to face the stark reality out there, acknowledge it, and get on with it (perhaps using some of the less-futile mechanisms).
However, though loneliness can be caused by writing up, who in their right mind would want to reverse the relationship, writing a thesis in order to mitigate the loneliness…..? I'm sure there are some people out there who would do such a thing...
If anyone wants more of an insight into my thesis-writing turmoil, then check out my early blogs, which were generally written between the hours of 12am – 5am, and usually under the influence of alcohol and copious amounts of anxiety, lashings of depression, and the occasional dash of self-loathing.
One pervasive feeling I had when writing was that of sheer soul-destroying loneliness. I could just about cope with the feeling that occurred every 20 mins or so, which was to get away from the work and distract myself by doing something else. It was very difficult, but time and time again I made myself sit back down and keep going. I honestly think that it happened every 20 mins or so during the 4 months of writing. There was nobody else around through 99% of me writing. It was me, sat up there alone, writing alone and going through it mainly on my own (though I’m sure the strain hit other people as a function of this). As such, it was a lonely experience, but probably one that I learnt a lot about myself from. At points like this, I found it helpful to think of the people who supported my efforts, cared for me, etc. A bit sappy perhaps, but there you go.
Here’s a semi-tenuous link. I think that same feeling of loneliness is one that can emerge when living on your own and/or a relationship has broken down. Instead of procrastinating for distraction from work however, you might find yourself using anything available to pretend to forget about the situation in front of you, and the inherent loneliness that comes along as part of it. The potentially-futile coping mechanisms might be drink, drugs, shit TV, online social networking sites, cakes/pies, or even metaphorically flogging yourself in the gym. Sooner or later however, you have to do the same thing as what someone writing up does – take your head out of the sand in order to face the stark reality out there, acknowledge it, and get on with it (perhaps using some of the less-futile mechanisms).
However, though loneliness can be caused by writing up, who in their right mind would want to reverse the relationship, writing a thesis in order to mitigate the loneliness…..? I'm sure there are some people out there who would do such a thing...
posted by Lord G at 6:56 AM
2 Comments:
Am I the only person who didn't mind writing up?!
I use shit tv and alcohol btw. I bet no one has noticed...
Writing up itself isn't bad, necessarily. It's the antisocial nature that is depressing. (However if someone does happen to cross my path these days I daresay I frighten them off.) I'm sorry your experience was so stressful, Lordie. The impending doom of life in the US must have contributed, I imagine.
I suppose watching crap TV and going to the gym as means of escaping aren't bad therapies, conidering that the alternative could be dwelling upon misery. I suppose it only becomes problematic when it turns into excessive boozing (Archers aside) or if it prevents dealing with a few "issues" (hate that term). Surely everyone has lonely phases that pass (if not you probably don't spend enough time of your own!).
I presumed that once the thesis had been written there would be no more stress. Ever. Have I been mistaken?
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